Sometimes It's the Little Things Found at IDGAF Lane near the Crossroad of GFY

I knew before I traveled to Arkansas to visit my family that returning would be difficult. I would be coming back to my home that I love but I would be leaving behind friends and family that I had not seen in over a year. It was far tougher than I imagined it would be for a variety of reasons.

The first was that I didn't get to visit enough of my friends that I wanted. My best friend didn't come over, Autumn couldn't come up due to illness, Whitney due to a car and so on and so forth. I did see my sister Sasha and Courtney (twice) and I did spend some very quality time with Mom, Dad, Grandma, Edward, Jim, Lexxy, Slayton, Tisha and Meagan. Oh and I spent several wonderful hours with my oldest friend Kerri as we sipped out drinks at the golf course and gossiped. Good times!!

But counteract all of that goodness with some very harsh realities:

• My dad is very sick and everyone is stressed about how to handle everything. What if something happens while I'm here?
• My best friend has pretty much deserted me. I can't remember the last time she actually picked up the phone to call without me initiating it, and lately has been kinda an ass thanks to a guy. I realize she's just trying to cope and work things out but...no need to be a dick to me and completely ignore me. It hurts and it sucks. I feel like I have lost my best friend in the entire world and nothing I say or do seems to matter anymore.
• My husband was laid off and now we are trying to move, find new jobs etc. All this on top of my daughter's school starting in two weeks and her having to move schools. It is very stressful.
• I'm starting a new work schedule that is killer but I'm going to have to give my notice and there is a good chance I'll just be let go.

I feel alone and that is really a bad place to be because I feel incredibly bitter. I'm angry about the cat peeing on my carpet. I'm pissed about my daughter becoming a teenager and taking out her hormones and rebellion on me. I miss my oldest daughter intensely. I'm frustrated that the housework around here is not getting done unless I do it on top of working.

And I'm frightened that my husband is very sick and we don't know what is wrong. All these things have brought me to this Friday afternoon of being about one twig short of the whole tree crashing down.

I'm pretty sure all it would take is someone attempting to go off on me for me to go Hiroshima at this point. I need to vent. Fuck it all...I know this. I need to get a thousand things off my chest and have absolutely no one that will listen. I don't need solutions to these problems...I just need an ear.

Not all my blogs are funny. Not all are ranting. Some are just an explanation of what is going on in my life. It's a good way for me to look back and see if I ever did make it out of the miasma of fog that is perpetually surrounding me.
Let's hope so because my anxiety is through the roof and all I want to do is sit back, flip everyone off and say, "SUCK IT BITCHES!!"