Love, Valentine's Day and the Myths of Life Dispelled

Let me preface this blog with a disclaimer: I am not against Valentine's Day. I am not against Love. I am not against Happily Ever After. In fact, I am wholeheartedly in love with love of all forms.

Now that being said, I recently read a friend's blog. He adamantly warned readers that some would be offended, many would disagree and some would (to paraphrase) be aghast at his position on love and Valentine's Day. I thought I could read it with an open mind and take it for what it was and leave behind any preconceptions. After all...I've heard the rants both for and against Valentine's Day and love, my entire life.

I was wrong. I was offended and wanted to argue with him that Valentine's Day is on the calendar and on the minds of women for a reason. That there is such a thing as lasting and abiding love that is honored on that day because men, and I'm generalizing here, tend to sweep romantic gestures under the carpet unless reminded by the shopping and greeting card industry. Most men tend to hit 3 big dates: Anniversary, Birthday and Valentine's Day.

My argument for Valentine's Day stems from countless arguments with males whom griped and groaned about being "forced to be romantic by a commercial holiday. I can be romantic and loving any day of the year." My answer:

Bull-freaking-crap.

Many men will fall back on that standard answer but fail to realize that on a day-to-day basis: they really let romance fall through the cracks.

Here is a great example and one I've confirmed with many female friends. Wife/Girlfriend comes in from a hard day of whatever she does. She is tired and exhausted but does not have the energy to cook dinner. What is the solution for the household? MAKE IT YOURSELF NIGHT!!!

Wrong Answer.

While there are some mighty fine men out there that do some wonderful cooking (I constantly drool over my brother-in-law's creations, my friend Rex's BBQ skills etc) most guys leave it to the woman to cook. The right answer to that problem, mentioned above, is for someone to volunteer to cook dinner. If you ladies are like me, I do not care what is cooked as long as I don't have to cook it. I'll eat Hamburger Helper. I'll make do with scrambled eggs. I just want to sit down and relax.

Let's move on to the flowers argument. I've heard from men and woman that they do not like giving/receiving flowers. Why? Flowers die. If we go with that argument then do not ever get a pet. They die too. And they poop. A lot. Everywhere.

So suck it up and buy some flowers. You may hate the idea of "wasting your money" but I promise that the other person truly does enjoy it. We train ourselves to not like the idea because it is frivolous and money is always tight. But there is something intrinsically beautiful about a vase decorating the table filled with fresh, bright blooms. No amount of plastic shrubbery bought from Big Lots or Family Dollar can compete. (I have to issue a summary apology to my beloved Grandma who has decorated her home with plastic flowers. They work for her because they are memories but I'm pretty sure she still loves the real ones better.)

Now back to my reading of the thought inspiring blog. I've been on both sides. I was that awkward, unattractive girl in high school that was overweight and largely (ha a pun!) ignored by the opposite sex. I did not receive Valentine's freely. I did not receive flowers unless they were sent by my Mom and Dad, which I truly loved because they made me feel INCLUDED. I was not romanced. So I loathed February 14th each year because it was a reminder of what I did NOT have.

As the years went by, along with a few marriages and relationships, I really hated Valentine's Day as a single person. I loved it because I could shower my affection on Kennedy and Maesin, but I did not have someone showering me with affection, roses and romantic gestures of a night out on the town.

I really moaned, groaned, bitched and griped about how "commercial" it all was.

It is commercial. No one is disputing that. But I forgot the essence of what makes Valentin's Day so remarkable. It is LOVE!

Yes...LOVE can be found each and every day. It does not have to be romantic love. It does not have to be sexual love. It can be the love of family, friends and even of strangers. It is the quiet little doodling of hearts and cupids.

I wish I could really share this emotion with others and truly hope that my children absorb this and take it with them throughout life. One daughter is a boy-magnet and the other is not. It does not make one better, or more popular, than the other. It does make them different and on Valentine's Day that will hurt one of them. She will see her friends get Valentine's from their boyfriends and girlfriends and she will quietly wonder why she is different and what makes them so special. She will question her looks, her personality and even her social position in life.

It is not fair. But it will happen.

So love is grand and great but it is heartbreaking and it can bring the strongest to his/her knees in anguish. It can make you curse and can make you cry. It brings peace and it brings comfort. It is the ultimate dual edged sword. Loving someone makes you vulnerable and nothing brings home that vulnerability like Cupid and his holiday.

If you are in a relationship...make the day special.

If you are not in a relationship...make the day special.

Real love all starts on the inside. It is grown from that intimate place within your own soul and then spread to others. Instead of hating the holiday, do something to bring a smile to someone else. Give them a reason to find hope and a spark rather than an empty mailbox or arms empty of flowers and treats.

Happy Love to you all!

Namaste