Opinions are like...

Opinions are like….

Hello Kats and Kittens!

So I’ve been tumbling around some thoughts in my head lately about a few social issues, as well as some personal ones. I haven’t blogged in a while but at least I have gone back to editing Synergy and writing more on the 2^nd. But that is enough of that.

 

Strangely it was a song that has me thinking. It is “Rude” by Magic. Here is the link to the lyrics. I’m reasonably certain that at least three or four of you have heard it on the radio. http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/magic/rude.html

I get what the song is saying. It is about a man asking a father for his daughter’s hand in marriage. Noble and romantic right? Yeah. I get that. But if you sit and listen to the song a second time, without the romanticized notion that two young lovers want to be united in matrimony, you come to see a different aspect. And one, believe it or not, that is at the root of many social issues I currently have. The young man asks the father for his hand in marriage.

But the father says, “ You say I'll never get your blessing 'til the day I die
Tough luck, my friend, but the answer is 'No'”

The singer/writer comes back with:

“Why you gotta be so rude?
Don't you know I'm human too?
Why you gotta be so rude?
I'm gonna marry her anyway”

“Why you gotta be so rude?”

That, my dear kats and kittens, is where the song takes a southward turn for me and really becomes a marking point of things that have recently begun to bug the ever living shit out of me. The father says “No.” and yes, it is a bit harsh. Granted the listener (or reader) does not know the background between the father and the lover. We don’t have to know it. Here is what I fucking hate and is pretty prevalent in our society right now. If we say “No” to someone, or disagree with someone, then suddenly we are either: haters, rude, ignorant, -ist (as in racist, sexist etc.) or we are marked a liberal or conservative. STOP FRACKING LABELING PEOPLE WHO DISAGREE WITH YOU!

Now I shall take a deep and explain. I first heard the “you are being rude” and “stop bullying me” from my daughters. I’m quite positive they are just splattering out things they have heard and have not stopped to realize the meaning of the statements. Or I’m wrong and they do but just do not want to use them in the correct manner.

Let’s take another look at the song for a moment. The boy (because a grown up would not throw a hissy fit but I’m giving absent credit where no one is due any) thinks the father saying, “No” is rude. Why isn’t it just being truthful? OH I get it now. It’s to sell a song and make you feel like the father is being a ripe, old bastard. He’s standing in the way of true love. Ummm yep. Now in my family, our dad was greatly respected and taught all of his girls to respect others. Even when they do not deserve any respect. (Yeah it does kinda suck at times but stiff upper lip and all that jazz.)

Why is the simple fact of saying no to someone make them rude? Let’s put that in another context.

“Can I have a million dollars?”

“Uh I’m going with a no on that one. Earn it yourself. Ain’t no freebies in life.”

“Why do you have to be that way? Why are you being so rude? You could have just said “no” and been done with it.” (No, the person would not have been done with it. You see…they wanted a million dollars and it stings to be told NO. So the person is “rude” for telling them no.

I’ve often found that a simple “no” is truly not simple in any regards. People want an explanation of being denied. This is the point of many conversations where it becomes an argument. And enter in my next phrase that is wholly being used to death.

“Why are you bullying me?”

I abhor bullying in any way, shape, form or fashion. The definition of bullying is: use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.


 


No. The person is not bullying. There is no forcing. No intimidation. No use of strength. No. NO. NOOOONOOO.


 


Here is what all of the above boil down too: disagreeing with someone, saying ‘NO’, not liking someone else’s lifestyle, or having a difference of opinion does not necessarily come down to a label.


 


I simply hate labels. There. I said it. Anyone that knows me also knows I am a huge supporter of the LGBT community. I believe in equality for all and rights for all. But far too often lately I’m seeing reverse equality. A person states they do not agree with a lifestyle and suddenly they are bigots, haters or ignorant. Or they are conservative thinking drones. (Which is an oxymoron by the way.)


 


I am a believer in Freedom of Speech. I truly am. But, as I am learning, that does not mean Freedom from Reprisal or Consequence. But we, as a society in the whole, have missed the bulletin that states “Just because a person disagrees with something does not make them a: liberal, conservative, racist, feminist, nudist, bigot, idiot, genius etc. Just add and –ism or an –ist and it covers the gamut.


 


We have to stop. When can we get to the point where a disagreement, an opinion or a different set of beliefs can be met with, “Eh. I get what you are saying but I disagree.” No name calling. No labeling. Let’s clear some of the popular ones up. Okay?


 


*Belief in God and religion: does not make you an idiot, a sheep, or a zealot. You just believe in something different.


*Saying no to making a cake for a homosexual couple does not mean you hate them. You just believe in something different.


*Marching in protest for equality in marriage: does not make you a liberal, a radical or a heretic.


*Being against illegal immigrants: does not make you a bad person, a bully, a right wing conservative or have a case of feeling superior and immigrant-ist (okay I made that one up.)


*Saying no does not mean: you hate the person, you are a bully or an –ist. Or that you are being rude!


*Not liking a person does not mean you want to bully them. It does not mean anything. Disliking someone is a personal choice and should have nothing to do with how you feel. If someone doesn’t like me (and I admit sometimes I get anxious about this) it is their choice. It is not mine.


 


As I was driving into work this morning, and as I typically do, I had a speech going on in my head. There are 3 main camps for every opinion. 1) Yay! I like this. 2) Boo. I hate this. 3) I’m ambivalent either way.


I wish it were this easy. I truly do. But it is not. Especially online because after any one of the first two responses you will get name calling and pigeon holing. After the third you will be lazy or misinformed upon which both camps will continue to explain it to you and why you should take a stance. Even worse are the people who keep on saying the same thing. I just want to yell, “Listen…just because I don’t fecking agree with you does not mean that I don’t understand it.”


 


Here is essentially what I’m writing about all boiled down to a few sentences (or at least that is my hope.)

• Don’t like something? Don’t do it.
• Is it harming you? No? Then shut up about it unless you are asked for your opinion
• If you give your opinion then expect others to do the same. The secret to peace within is to understand that if something is true to you then the opposite of that is true as well. (Meaning that the other person believes in their own opinion.)
• Someone telling you “NO” does not: make them rude, that they are bullying you, that they deserve any label (liberal, sexist etc.). It is just a difference of opinion. Sure there are qualifiers such as being in a life/death situation.
• You are not entitled to a detailed explanation on a “NO.” It is just No and most times you just get that much. Don’t go around whining or bitching. If you do want to speak logically and address the NO in a polite manner then by all means, go for it. Just remember that you are not entitled to a reason.

 


I’d normally at this point end on a humorous note, or whatever. Instead I’m going to end it this way:


 


Don’t be a dick. Treat others with respect and you will soon find that respect comes your way. Be nice. Play nice.