Things You Should Know By Now

Things you should know by now.

 

As I grew up I always thought if you prayed hard enough, God would answer your prayers. There have been many, many times in life that I felt let down. That God hadn't answered a prayer. Then years later I would look back, give a huge "Whew! Dodged that bullet" and silently gave God some praise that he had NOT answered my fervent  whisperings. Along the way of life, however, I did pick up some life lessons that I will now impart to you. Most of them you should know but in case you missed that class in Life High, here is a refresher.

 

One door closing does not mean one door opens

 

Whoever told you that garbage was feeding you an optimistic line of crap. One door closing means just that. Something has ended. The problem with this saying is that most people do not leave that door closed. Take relationships for example. It ends, you think you are moving along towards another opportunity and WHAM! You open the door again. You've cut your own throat by sabotaging your "now" and not looking forward. The past is the past and nothing you, or I, can do anything about changing it. Learn from it but leave it back there with the garbage.

Let's also apply this principle to jobs and careers. You get laid off from a position, you get fired, you resign and then try to move on. Well that is pretty good if another career opportunity presents itself. Sometimes it does not and you will sometimes have to deal with people who tend to look down on you. They see you as job hopping and irresponsible. Here is the truth. Sometimes jobs and careers just don't work out. Plain and simple. And sometimes that door that opens is only a temporary one while you look for something you love. Here is a huge news flash though: sometimes the door that you would love to open never does. That's okay though. I've learned that doing something you love, like writing for a living, can often lead you to hating your passion. I advise people to do something they like, not love. If you do happen to have a career doing what you love and you continue loving it as time goes on…kudos to you my friend.

 

You are never given more than you can handle.

 

That. Is. Bullshit. Well not really. The honest truth is that it is a saying people use to help you get through the rough times in life. And it is kinda true. If you could not handle it then you don't want the alternative. Not being able to handle what life has given you gives you two hard options: insanity or death. That's it. Now there is a soft option that people don't often tell you but you kinda figure it out. Share the burden. I NEVER want my friends or family to handle a burden all by themselves. Tell me about it. I'm not a mind reader. I don't know when you are having a hard time. If you share it with me, I'll help take some of the load. I may not be able to hand walk you through it but I'm there if you need someone to catch you when you fall or to grab your arm when you stumble. I wish I was fabulously wealthy because then I'd help a lot more people. I'm poor though.

Happiness is in the little things.

This is a positive life lesson and one that many people forget. Here is a newsflash. You work 70 hour weeks to get a lot of money. That money gets you things. You occasionally get to enjoy those things but those long work weeks and racing through life trying to catch that dollar comes with a price. That price is your health and mental well being. I would rather work 40 hours and enjoy a sunny day or a good book than to be chasing a better car, a bigger house or vacation. I'm not saying wanting those things is bad. I'm not saying having those things as a goal is bad. But enjoy the little things in life.

Listen when people are talking

Most people do not engage active listening skills. Most people are simply waiting for a pause so they can interject. Don't do that. Be an active listener. Empathize with your speaker and then respond appropriately. Don't give bullshit conversation fillers. Another thing: Don't multitask when speaking with a friend. Enjoy a good phone call or text. When someone you love talks to you…listen fully. Don't do the dishes, straighten the house or do other things when that person is trying to engage you. Give them 100% of your time even if it is only for a few minutes. I am the absolute worst when it comes to this simply because I have the attention span of a gnat and I often have trouble understanding people when they speak. It isn't a foreign language block, it is that I honestly am having difficulty hearing people now. Man…getting older sucks. Some octaves I just have trouble hearing. If someone is more than 10 feet away, I have trouble hearing. I'm even worse on a phone unless the caller is enunciating clearly and speaking without static.

 

And FINALLY…The world does not have to know when you are right and someone else is wrong.

This is pretty self explanatory. So what if the person is wrong or misinformed. If it isn't a huge, grossly negligent thing that could potentially harm them or a loved one…zip it. You don't have to be right. Constantly being "right" makes you "wrong" most of the time.  A good example happened today. I posted an article and didn't take the time to post what I agreed with on the article. It's Facebook. So what. A friend posted two rebuttal articles and then I posted two rebuttal articles rebutting his articles. (Please don't think I'm picking on you. You know I love you to death!). This person is a near and dear friend so I hope he truly realizes I'm just using this as an example.

However, I do have some friends that seem to take delight in constantly debunking things that are spread via social media. You cannot post anything without them hunting down some other article decrying what you have posted. Here is my response: So what. Most of us know scams on Facebook. Those pics that need 1,000,000,000,000 likes? Yes…we know it is spam. The heartwarming stories? The injustices given to others? The accounts of Obama being a traitor? Yes, there are some people who wholeheartedly believe those things. Do you? Okay if you don't. Okay if you do. Just repeat after me: Not My Circus. Not My Monkey.

The subset after this person, is the person who thinks it is funny to call themselves Grammar Nazi's. They find a few spelling errors and misuses such as: you're, your, their, there etc. and have a fit. So what if they use the wrong word? Maybe they are using their phone and it autocorrects to that particular one and they do not catch it. Just because you can spot a few words used incorrectly does not make you a Grammar teacher. Do you ensure that every sentence is correct, the punctuation used is correct and the sentence length is appropriate for the given remark? Oh you don't? You might use incomplete sentences? No one has nailed you to a fence and let the crows feast? Then shut it. It seems that the World Wide Web has bred a huge number of asses and that is one of the most obvious means of recognizing them.

I don't correct another person's grammar or spelling because….Not my circus. Not my monkey. I have been a professional, and paid, writer for more than ten years. The secret to my success? Editors. So unless you are a professional editor…shut it.

 

So there you go. A few refresher lessons from my perspective. If you don't agree…not your circus and most definitely not your monkey.

(Yes that is my saying of the week.)