I have a deep, dark confession to make. I read self-help books, magazines and websites frequently. I do and I cannot help myself. Somehow each time I am fooled into thinking that this is going to be the one that actually works! This article is the key to my entire life! This website is going to make me better, stronger, faster etc. Each time I walk away saddened. Much like I'm sure Newt Gingrich feels after a run at the presidential election. It just doesn't seem to work.
The problem, I believe, is that all self-help books, magazines and websites treat us like we are 5 years old and that every problem is black and white. We aren't and it isn't. Your man isn't doing the dishes? Talk to him and explain what the problem is and how you feel. Ya...right fucker. You want to know the outcome of THAT conversation? He looks at you like you are a complete moron, you two have a fight over some freaking dishes and you spend the next few days miserable. The real world answer to that particular issue is pretty simple: either you do them or you don't. If he wants a clean dish he will eventually get he point or you will eventually cave in. The best case scenario is one where he hires a cleaning service but don't get your hopes up.
This leads me to what I believe to be the source of all discontentment in women's lives...magazines such as Cosmopolitan. Yep, you read that right - Cosmo is the bane of your existence and mine. If you are over the age of 30 you already know I am right and you know why. If you are younger than 30 you may still be blinded by the light. So allow me to bring you into the darkness of reality.
The US population, a quick figure, is roughly at 311,591,917. Roughly over half of that is female giving us a female population of 155, 795,958 women. From there you could estimate the ages and races but I don't give enough of a crap to warrant that kind of math. So let's just go with 155 million women.
How many of those 155 million women are below a size 6, live in New York City, and are single? No guess? I don't know. That's why I asked you. There are no real statistics on that question. I guess I could make one up - so let's go with 1 million and I'm being EXTREMELY generous. Cosmo reports that it has a monthly subscription of 3,021,720.
WHAT IN THE HOLY HELL IS CAUSING 2,021,720 WOMEN TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS RAG WHEN IT DOES NOT APPLY TO THEM?
Let's forget about the readers who pick up a copy at the checkout stand and instead focus on the subscribers. The cost is not much. It is roughly about 12.00 a year. 1.00 an issue at the cheapest online magazine subscription company. But that is 1.00 to make you feel less than you are. Send me 1.00 and I will guarantee that I will write a blog each month focusing on clothing that you aren't going to actually wear in Seattle, Washington or Little Rock, Arkansas. I'll write in a paragraph about the sex positions you already know about but gained a kink in your back trying simply because someone told you that it would increase your power with men.
Here is the truth no matter how many women and men chime in on how Cosmo can improve your relationship/life/bedroom circus antics etc: Men flinch when you open that magazine. Why? Because it will instantly fill your head full of doubt. You will not become empowered. You will try out the sex positions and then wonder why he is looking scared. You will think about buying some of the products and clothing they are shilling but in the end will decide that your own personal style is what you prefer. But only after you've spent money. Mmm...think that is what Cosmo is after? Money? Perhaps by making you and me feel inferior Cosmo understands that you will continue to buy the magazine in hopes of a quick fix.
Cosmo, Dr. Phil, The Five Love Languages and Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus aren't going to tell you anything you didn't already know. Men and Women are two completely separate creatures that have zero communication ability between us. We are just hardwired differently and I don't give a rats ass about Nature vs Nurture debates on this one. Come to think of it...maybe there really isn't anything truly different about men and women but instead there are just differences in person to person.
Cosmo is going to make your life miserable by telling you everything you should already know but don't. Except you already know it. If you can't fit into a size 2...I don't need to tell you that. You already know it. Cosmo would not be popular if it applied to the other 154 million women because it would not have anything new to sell.
I have learned to not pick up Cosmo unless I want to read the horoscope or the blunders portions. I like hearing about others' embarrassing moments. I can relate to many of those. Yet I still read self-help books and websites. Mainly because I think they are going to give me some insight into my psyche. They don't but they give me the illusion that I can fix all of the problems in my own mind. Honestly the only real solution is that I am me. I'm all that I can ever be just as you are all you can ever be. And that is pretty good when it comes down to it.
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