Phrases I Loathe

It is my day off and as usual I found myself up at the butt crack of dawn. It really sucks having insomnia. I'm pretty sure every evil thing that goes wrong in my life can be attributed to lack of sleep. Hair problems? Lack of sleep. Sex problems? Lack of sleep. ADHD? Lack of sleep. I get the whole aging thing but it doesn't mean I have to fucking like it. Suck it old age!!

For several weeks now I've been pondering phrases that make me see red. A couple have actually been directed to sweet, lil ol' moi. Imagine that indignity! Fuck a duck. I mean come on...bitches gotta hate but they don't have to be juvenile about it. So here are the phrases I hate the most and my response to them.

1. Who the fuck do you think you are? (This tops the list)

Well...I think I'm Shonte' and I'm pretty sure that I'm a Goddess in my world so that would essentially make me the ruler of everything. No, I did not wake up this morning and forget who I am.

Why do people say this? What point is there in asking this rhetorical question? Obviously it is a slight meant to infer that you do not have power over the speaker. I get that. But since I'm a Goddess I don't give a fuck.

2. Eat a Dick. (Usually followed by Cunt, Bitch or Whore)

This statement is usually thrown out by a very insecure crack whore. Okay I don't know if the person is a crack whore but I love saying that phrase. "Crack whore" or "Meth whore" are personal favorites because it conjures to mind a pock marked hooker that hasn't showered in weeks and is the town bike. But I digress.  Guys don't say this because it is one of their greatest fears. No guy likes some chick chomping down on his man bits and giggle berries. Only women toss this one out and there is only one response: Roll your eyes and say "Really? Really?"

3. Get over yourself.

Why should I get over myself? I like myself finally and have accepted that there may be one or two people on this entire Earth that do not feel the same way. Once again I understand the connotation to this remark. The speaker wants to demean the other and make them feel insignificant. Not gonna fucking work bitches because I need to direct you to #1 where I explain that I'm a Goddess. I can "get over" situations. I can "get over" life...but I'm not going to get over myself.

4. You can't tell me what to do.

Yes. I. Can. In fact if I just told you something...I did in fact tell you what to do. You, however, have this wonderful thing called free will in which you can decide whether or not to act. My response when someone tells me to go do something is a simple "yes" or "no." Nothing pisses off people more than one word responses. I love them when they aren't directed at me.

5. I feel sorry for... (your kids, your husband, your family, your friends, your dog..etc.) for being with you.

This is the only statement where I can almost become physically violent. I KNOW I should never use physical violence but this one will almost cause me to Hiroshima on someone. It is the unforgivable phrase to utter to me because I NEVER forget it. This isn't actually about feeling sorry for someone. It is trying to feel superior to them. I had a crack whore say this about my daughters simply because I told her to stop contacting me and my husband. She called me deranged for stating that a police officer showed up at my house looking for her. Uh..hello? A cop did show up.

This statement is the worst thing anyone can say to another because it is vile. You are dragging others into a verbal sparring match and it is always said by someone that has ZERO clue about your life.

Expressing sympathy, empathy and regret towards someone is fine. Feeling sorry for someone because of a situation is fine. But making this statement with the intent to make you feel like you are less than what you are or somehow you affect others badly...just wrong.

The bad thing is I've been guilty of these statements. I used to swear never to drop the "C" word at someone and I've used it a few times. I was mad. Do I regret it? Nope not one bit. The bitch deserved it and that is exactly what she was acting like. I've delivered it to a few guys as well.

We all get mad at people and sometimes it breaks down into a verbal, or written, argument. It's life. It happens to the best of us. And these are just the phrases that tweak my buttons and make me roll my eyes and say, "Really? Really? You can't do any better than this?"