Estrogen in the Workplace

So I recently returned to a normal workplace atmosphere because I was driving myself nuts writing from home. I am fed up with writing for other people on topics that would drive a snail to the Salt Flats (for you slow types...that's suicide for snails and slugs.)

Wow that was a bit bitchy wasn't it? I'm ashamed of myself. Actually I'm not but it is a wonderful segue into Estrogen in the Workplace and my return to a call center type environment. I should strike those words because the owner does not feel that it is a "call center" and instead labels it as a "answering service." Ooookaaaay. Moving on.

Large call centers answering services usually have quite a large staff. This one has maybe 20 people? And I realize all work environments do come with their own fair share of drama, especially when you are not dealing in specialized environments. And even those do have the gossip/rumor mill. NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING, is quite like a call center environment. Granted there are lots of women working in them and while I try to be gender neutral I will be the first to admit that women create drama. We gossip. We bitch. And we talk about others. Well I don't but you bitches do. I was blessed with the IDGAF gene. I just want to go to work, keep busy, laugh and joke around and then go home. Believe it or not, I am very NICE at work. I am polite. I am cordial and usually humming a tune. I try to foster a good atmosphere because I'm very empathetic. I am greatly affected by the shitty attitudes of others and I fucking HATE drama. Why? It's because it keeps me up at night and I worry over it. I'm an OCD nut to the extreme.

Another secret fact about myself...I worry when someone doesn't like me. Well, I worry some. Okay...I worry a little. Okay okay Kat...I dont' worry much at all. It's that gene thing. (Ha Kat...I knew you'd be laughing to yourself about that one.)

But back to the new job. It is so fucking estrogen laden that you cannot say anything to anyone else. Everyone dislikes someone else but would never say anything to their face. I wanted so fracking bad to have a "Come to Jesus" talk with some of the gals there tonight but I held my tongue.

This is especially true when they gather together in a hen pecking circle and start trying to pass off that they don't talk about each other behind each other's back! Each one was talking about how honest they were! When none of them are. They all gossip. I've been there a month and already I see how each treats the other. I can pick out about 5 that truly have fantastic integrity. They just laugh, carry on about their day and don't participate in the drama.

Why women? Why do we do this to ourselves! We are the exact stereotypes we all say we hate. There isn't a woman I know that doesn't swear she hates drama, gossip and backstabbing yet there are very few that aren't guilty of it. I'll even hold my own hand up. I'm guilty of it at times. I love listening to the dirt on someone else and that is just as bad as the one saying it. I love gossiping with my BFF about everyone. So really I'm not better off. I just don't do it at work.

Today I had a mini Hiroshima at work due to frustration over an imperfect software system. I snapped a bit and bitched about some of the things I've noticed. And of course once I cooled down I realized that it really wasn't those girls fault. It was my own for being short tempered and not placing myself in their place. (Yes fuckers...I can be grown up occasionally!) Too late though. The damage was done. In my venting I didn't pay attention to who was nearby. She immediately ran inside and started yapping.

So hours pass and then two of the people are wanting to know if I'm mad at them. Or if they did anything to piss me off. How do I tell them "Yes...you pissed me off. No, I don't dislike you. I just think you have handled some situations in a less than positive manner and I've had to take the shit for you." So now I'm in that awkward position of trying to make them feel okay while just shaking my head.

This has reminded me that work is a place for just earning money, shooting the shit, doing your job occasionally and then clocking out. The key to great workplace happiness is never hanging out after work, never talking about another employee and just keeping your head down. Because when Estrogen is flowing then the bitches gotta be talking.

Oh and Men...you guys can be bitches too. Don't think you don't have gossip and drama!

Phrases I Loathe

It is my day off and as usual I found myself up at the butt crack of dawn. It really sucks having insomnia. I'm pretty sure every evil thing that goes wrong in my life can be attributed to lack of sleep. Hair problems? Lack of sleep. Sex problems? Lack of sleep. ADHD? Lack of sleep. I get the whole aging thing but it doesn't mean I have to fucking like it. Suck it old age!!

For several weeks now I've been pondering phrases that make me see red. A couple have actually been directed to sweet, lil ol' moi. Imagine that indignity! Fuck a duck. I mean come on...bitches gotta hate but they don't have to be juvenile about it. So here are the phrases I hate the most and my response to them.

1. Who the fuck do you think you are? (This tops the list)

Well...I think I'm Shonte' and I'm pretty sure that I'm a Goddess in my world so that would essentially make me the ruler of everything. No, I did not wake up this morning and forget who I am.

Why do people say this? What point is there in asking this rhetorical question? Obviously it is a slight meant to infer that you do not have power over the speaker. I get that. But since I'm a Goddess I don't give a fuck.

2. Eat a Dick. (Usually followed by Cunt, Bitch or Whore)

This statement is usually thrown out by a very insecure crack whore. Okay I don't know if the person is a crack whore but I love saying that phrase. "Crack whore" or "Meth whore" are personal favorites because it conjures to mind a pock marked hooker that hasn't showered in weeks and is the town bike. But I digress.  Guys don't say this because it is one of their greatest fears. No guy likes some chick chomping down on his man bits and giggle berries. Only women toss this one out and there is only one response: Roll your eyes and say "Really? Really?"

3. Get over yourself.

Why should I get over myself? I like myself finally and have accepted that there may be one or two people on this entire Earth that do not feel the same way. Once again I understand the connotation to this remark. The speaker wants to demean the other and make them feel insignificant. Not gonna fucking work bitches because I need to direct you to #1 where I explain that I'm a Goddess. I can "get over" situations. I can "get over" life...but I'm not going to get over myself.

4. You can't tell me what to do.

Yes. I. Can. In fact if I just told you something...I did in fact tell you what to do. You, however, have this wonderful thing called free will in which you can decide whether or not to act. My response when someone tells me to go do something is a simple "yes" or "no." Nothing pisses off people more than one word responses. I love them when they aren't directed at me.

5. I feel sorry for... (your kids, your husband, your family, your friends, your dog..etc.) for being with you.

This is the only statement where I can almost become physically violent. I KNOW I should never use physical violence but this one will almost cause me to Hiroshima on someone. It is the unforgivable phrase to utter to me because I NEVER forget it. This isn't actually about feeling sorry for someone. It is trying to feel superior to them. I had a crack whore say this about my daughters simply because I told her to stop contacting me and my husband. She called me deranged for stating that a police officer showed up at my house looking for her. Uh..hello? A cop did show up.

This statement is the worst thing anyone can say to another because it is vile. You are dragging others into a verbal sparring match and it is always said by someone that has ZERO clue about your life.

Expressing sympathy, empathy and regret towards someone is fine. Feeling sorry for someone because of a situation is fine. But making this statement with the intent to make you feel like you are less than what you are or somehow you affect others badly...just wrong.

The bad thing is I've been guilty of these statements. I used to swear never to drop the "C" word at someone and I've used it a few times. I was mad. Do I regret it? Nope not one bit. The bitch deserved it and that is exactly what she was acting like. I've delivered it to a few guys as well.

We all get mad at people and sometimes it breaks down into a verbal, or written, argument. It's life. It happens to the best of us. And these are just the phrases that tweak my buttons and make me roll my eyes and say, "Really? Really? You can't do any better than this?"

Full Circle

I've been struck with ennui lately. (Ha Grammar Nazi's...there's your $3.00 word!) This complete lassitude has been in regards to life in general. I realized there was more to it than just my complete disinterest in the world and I finally pegged exactly what it was that was wrong. My best friend has deserted me. Okay...no not really. She's my best super friend forever and would never ditch me but she has been busy with her life and I don't begrudge her one freaking iota of her happiness. But it does allow me to say a huge "HA MOTHERFUCKING HA HA HA!!" to her and this I will happily do. Allow me to elaborate.

As BFF extraordinaire we are gifted with responsibilities and virtues. The first responsibility is to always blame any testicles for problems. I don't care how badly I've fucked up...Kat will blame Dave. Even if we both know that I'm the one to blame she will take my side and that is as it should be. The same goes for taking sides. The girl has my back. The only exceptions to the Ultimate BFF is if one is doing something irrevocably harmful. Then the BFF is obligated to swoop in, smack the back of the head and straighten the shit out.

Now allow me to elaborate on what has been happening and why I'm cackling maniacally with glee. I've known Kat for roughly 8 years of thick, thin, hell and high water. She's been with me through numerous bad dates and failed marriages. I've been with her through the birth of a complete cutie and her divorce and her move. She's been with me for my move as well.

But now...oh now we are entering into territory I've been waiting YEARS for. My dearest BFF is in love. And this is not your run of the mill love. This is OIL love. Yep readers...that is Once in a Lifetime Love. When we first met she told me of her past relationship with Mr. X before her husband. And then when she divorced she told me of their rekindled friendship. I just lifted an eyebrow and kept my musings to myself. I would wait this hand out patiently.

Now their relationship is far from easy and there are a lot of rocky times but...this is what I've been waiting for. When I went batshit insane about Dave and constantly talked about him to Kat...I know she had to want to roll her eyes and gag over the mushy crap. I know I bugged the shit out of her with my talk of true love and all that emotional oohh la la. I know I faded out of existence for a while when he was around because he took up most of my energy and she patiently waited me out. She has always been there to listen to me. When he fucked up...she was right there telling me what an ass he was. When I fucked up...she was right there telling me what an ass he was. That is what a TRUE best friend does.

So now for her OIL that I've been patiently awaiting. I knew, despite her protests, that she'd get into a relationship again one day. I knew I just had to be patient because her happiness was right around the corner. She couldn't see it at the time but I knew that eventually the OIL would happen. And it did.

I'm so happy for my BFF that I have grinned all day. I can now be the BFF that tells her what a screw up he is when he makes her angry or sad (all while thinking in my head that it's probably an overreaction...because I know she's thought the same thing but we both will never say it!). I get to make gagging motions to my husband because of all the syrupy sweet things they do. All while giving him the stink eye because he doesn't have a romantic bone in his body.

I cannot WAIT till those two fuckers get married because I get to see my best friend in the entire world finally have a marriage that she's been waiting for. And I'll pull him aside and give him the "talk" about what happens if he ever hurts her and the "talk" about how to handle her the best.

Do I want to tell her to go slow and take it easy? Hell fuck no! Girl...run to that happiness and soak up every single moment of it that you can. You deserve it! Let him rock your world and make the sky turn nine shades of red! Life is about seizing every single moment that you can and BEING in that moment.

And don't for one minute think you are being a bad friend by not listening to my day because you've been there enough for me and this is your time to shine. I don't feel pushed out...I feel warm and fuzzy and happy that you have your OIL!

So readers...take this message from this posting to heart. Never lament when a friend moves on with her life. Instead celebrate it and know that the BFF position changes constantly. One moment you are the one threatening to cut off cahones and the next...you are grinning because you can spot the arguments a mile away and know that your BFF has so much in store.

Mamacita I love you!! Now get married so I can come back to the South and visit!!!

Next

It was my first 4th of July here in Bend and it was spectacular. I've never lived any place where I was actually chilly while waiting for the fireworks display! In fact I've had a bit of a time adjusting to the fact that this is summer and I'm not dying of the heat. It is far different back in Arkansas where many fireworks displays were cancelled due to the drought and the significant heat wave!

The day was incredibly relaxing. We ventured out to the lava fields and walked down the river trail to the falls. The trail was fantastic and the sight of that much rushing water is always awe inspiring. As I walked back towards the car I somehow found myself alone, in front of Dave and Maesin, who were leisurely walking. Even though I have the shortest legs on the planet I tend to always rush when I walk. As I'm rushing through my walk back to the vehicle where Kennedy was waiting I had a thought...My entire life was a simile of that walk. I rush through everything.

I don't know what to do with downtime. I don't take time to treasure each moment and instead rush to get through it to the next one. When I wake up each morning I think about getting through the day just so I can get back to sleep and hit the next day. Time is quickly passing me by and I cannot remember the last time I just stopped and enjoyed the moment.

When I watch a movie...I can't wait to get to the end so I can think about it, discuss it and be done. Work is the same way. I just get through it. There I was, on that incredible path and I rushed through it to be done. When I set out I thought about how much time it was going to take me to hike that mile and what I would do next. It is always about "next" and that makes me sad.

Kennedy has been here for little over three weeks and in five days she returns home. I may not get to see her until December. The time she has spent here as flown by and I don't know if I've truly savored any of those moments. I've gotten through them. We've done things but I don't think I've actually just stopped and been in the moment. It's always about the NEXT thing.

I'm one of those people who does something, gets through it and then wants to discuss it with my friends or family. But I didn't stop to ENJOY it while I was doing it. I didn't capture the moment and brand it into my heart and soul.

I tell people that I have the attention span of a gnat on meth and it is true. I can't concentrate for shit. I can't pay attention anymore and it has me wondering how I've let my spirit, mind and body turn into this mush. I'm like oatmeal without any brown sugar or flavor. I'm the instant oatmeal of life. It'll keep you alive but it won't nourish the brain and soul.

So how do I get that perspective? How do I enjoy each moment and commit those to memory? How do I treasure all the things that happen in my life and stop watching the clock? I always want something bigger and better without realizing that I have those things now and I'm just letting them slip away unnoticed.

I think my goal should be not to have any goals anymore. I want to just breathe and be. Be in the moment. Be in the feeling and stop rushing through everything. That's what I want to BE. Be in the now and Be good for myself and all those around me.