Things you should know by now.
As I grew up I always thought if you prayed hard enough, God
would answer your prayers. There have been many, many times in life that I felt
let down. That God hadn't answered a prayer. Then years later I would look
back, give a huge "Whew! Dodged that bullet" and silently gave God
some praise that he had NOT answered my fervent whisperings. Along the way of life, however, I
did pick up some life lessons that I will now impart to you. Most of them you
should know but in case you missed that class in Life High, here is a
refresher.
One door closing does not mean one door opens
Whoever told you that garbage was feeding you an optimistic
line of crap. One door closing means just that. Something has ended. The
problem with this saying is that most people do not leave that door closed.
Take relationships for example. It ends, you think you are moving along towards
another opportunity and WHAM! You open the door again. You've cut your own
throat by sabotaging your "now" and not looking forward. The past is
the past and nothing you, or I, can do anything about changing it. Learn from
it but leave it back there with the garbage.
Let's also apply this principle to jobs and careers. You get
laid off from a position, you get fired, you resign and then try to move on.
Well that is pretty good if another career opportunity presents itself.
Sometimes it does not and you will sometimes have to deal with people who tend
to look down on you. They see you as job hopping and irresponsible. Here is the
truth. Sometimes jobs and careers just don't work out. Plain and simple. And
sometimes that door that opens is only a temporary one while you look for
something you love. Here is a huge news flash though: sometimes the door that
you would love to open never does. That's okay though. I've learned that doing
something you love, like writing for a living, can often lead you to hating
your passion. I advise people to do something they like, not love. If you do
happen to have a career doing what you love and you continue loving it as time
goes on…kudos to you my friend.
You are never given more than you can handle.
That. Is. Bullshit. Well not really. The honest truth is
that it is a saying people use to help you get through the rough times in life.
And it is kinda true. If you could not handle it then you don't want the
alternative. Not being able to handle what life has given you gives you two
hard options: insanity or death. That's it. Now there is a soft option that
people don't often tell you but you kinda figure it out. Share the burden. I
NEVER want my friends or family to handle a burden all by themselves. Tell me
about it. I'm not a mind reader. I don't know when you are having a hard time.
If you share it with me, I'll help take some of the load. I may not be able to
hand walk you through it but I'm there if you need someone to catch you when
you fall or to grab your arm when you stumble. I wish I was fabulously wealthy
because then I'd help a lot more people. I'm poor though.
Happiness is in the little things.
This is a positive life lesson and one that many people
forget. Here is a newsflash. You work 70 hour weeks to get a lot of money. That
money gets you things. You occasionally get to enjoy those things but those
long work weeks and racing through life trying to catch that dollar comes with
a price. That price is your health and mental well being. I would rather work
40 hours and enjoy a sunny day or a good book than to be chasing a better car,
a bigger house or vacation. I'm not saying wanting those things is bad. I'm not
saying having those things as a goal is bad. But enjoy the little things in
life.
Listen when people are talking
Most people do not engage active listening skills. Most
people are simply waiting for a pause so they can interject. Don't do that. Be
an active listener. Empathize with your speaker and then respond appropriately.
Don't give bullshit conversation fillers. Another thing: Don't multitask when
speaking with a friend. Enjoy a good phone call or text. When someone you love
talks to you…listen fully. Don't do the dishes, straighten the house or do
other things when that person is trying to engage you. Give them 100% of your
time even if it is only for a few minutes. I am the absolute worst when it
comes to this simply because I have the attention span of a gnat and I often
have trouble understanding people when they speak. It isn't a foreign language
block, it is that I honestly am having difficulty hearing people now. Man…getting
older sucks. Some octaves I just have trouble hearing. If someone is more than
10 feet away, I have trouble hearing. I'm even worse on a phone unless the
caller is enunciating clearly and speaking without static.
And FINALLY…The world does not have to know when you are
right and someone else is wrong.
This is pretty self explanatory. So what if the person is
wrong or misinformed. If it isn't a huge, grossly negligent thing that could
potentially harm them or a loved one…zip it. You don't have to be right.
Constantly being "right" makes you "wrong" most of the
time. A good example happened today. I
posted an article and didn't take the time to post what I agreed with on the
article. It's Facebook. So what. A friend posted two rebuttal articles and then
I posted two rebuttal articles rebutting his articles. (Please don't think I'm
picking on you. You know I love you to death!). This person is a near and dear
friend so I hope he truly realizes I'm just using this as an example.
However, I do have some friends that seem to take delight in
constantly debunking things that are spread via social media. You cannot post
anything without them hunting down some other article decrying what you have
posted. Here is my response: So what. Most of us know scams on Facebook. Those
pics that need 1,000,000,000,000 likes? Yes…we know it is spam. The
heartwarming stories? The injustices given to others? The accounts of Obama
being a traitor? Yes, there are some people who wholeheartedly believe those
things. Do you? Okay if you don't. Okay if you do. Just repeat after me: Not My
Circus. Not My Monkey.
The subset after this person, is the person who thinks it is
funny to call themselves Grammar Nazi's. They find a few spelling errors and
misuses such as: you're, your, their, there etc. and have a fit. So what if
they use the wrong word? Maybe they are using their phone and it autocorrects
to that particular one and they do not catch it. Just because you can spot a
few words used incorrectly does not make you a Grammar teacher. Do you ensure
that every sentence is correct, the punctuation used is correct and the
sentence length is appropriate for the given remark? Oh you don't? You might
use incomplete sentences? No one has nailed you to a fence and let the crows
feast? Then shut it. It seems that the World Wide Web has bred a huge number of
asses and that is one of the most obvious means of recognizing them.
I don't correct another person's grammar or spelling because….Not
my circus. Not my monkey. I have been a professional, and paid, writer for more
than ten years. The secret to my success? Editors. So unless you are a
professional editor…shut it.
So there you go. A few refresher lessons from my
perspective. If you don't agree…not your circus and most definitely not your
monkey.
(Yes that is my saying of the week.)
