Tao of Té The Necessity of Death and the Pain it Leaves Behind

Tao of Té The Necessity of Death and the Pain it Leaves Behind

 

For a few weeks my friend has been struggling with the knowledge that his father is quickly passing the veil. As the days and hours become closer he grows frustrated that he will not be there physically to comfort his father and the rest of his family. He is a great man who always helps others and it pains me greatly that there is nothing I can do for him besides tell him "I'm sorry. It sucks" and talk to him as much as possible."

Death is the ultimate common denominator in humanity. No matter how rich or poor, when death comes a' knockin' you don't get a choice on opening the door. But the thing about death and losing people you love is that it never gets easier. And as crazy and mean as it sounds…that is a GOOD thing. I never want death to get easier because I want to love that person completely. I don't wish death on anything but it comes, sometimes far too quickly to those that hold our hearts.

So everyone we know will eventually die and we will pass the veil as well. It is a necessity as we give way to someone else's life. It truly is a cycle of life. Currently I've been looking at that circle and how people deal with it. I often have found myself angry and pissed off at people going through things simply because I didn't agree with how they were doing it or expressing themselves regarding the problem. Then I realized that it was not their problem…it was me. I was the one allowing myself to judge their situation because it wasn't different than mine. Only I should be minding my own business and just being there if needed.

Now…a few weeks ago when my friend told me his father was dying, I was pissed that he wasn't camping out at his dad's house and being there. I couldn't believe it. But I was so in the wrong.  I was projecting my own guilt and it was not fair to him or anyone else. I don't know his pain anymore than he knew mind. How he is handling his father's illness is his own. It was guilt that ate at mine. It was the guilt I've assigned myself since my father grew ill and then passed away. There is so much guilt today about not returning to Arkansas more to stay next to his side. Guilt over not talking to him as much as I could. And guilt that I didn't think it was real.

I'm lucky. I have had some great friends that helped me through it all. It doesn't assuage the guilt, only time will do that or it may always a constant companion. But they helped lift the burden in some way. I hope that I can do that with my friend because he deserves having someone to hold out there hand and pulling him up to his feet. He deserves an open eye, ear and arms to hold him when he feels like he is breaking. I wish I could be there, physically, for him. There isn't a lot I can say to him but I can simply be there for him. I'd take his pain away but it is that pain that tells him how much he loves his father. It is the pain that will change his life forever. I can't take it, won't take it but I'll do my best to shoulder as much of it as he lets me. I hope he knows how much he is loved and how many hands and shoulders he has to help him through this.

Namasté