This Little Thing Called Life

It has been a while my Kats and Kittens. I've been working on my other blog Every Day Beauty - Be the Beauty in the Mirror. If you haven't seen it, check it out.

This is the type of article that is not for that one though.

A year or so ago I reached out to a former friend to find resolution to ending our friendship abruptly. I had walked away almost 6 months or so ago prior, putting myself first. Then after a lot of  internal strife, I reached out to explain why and to let myself get closure.

The conversation was civil, I had no intention of delving back in, and we parted ways. It was cathartic.

When it comes to ending things, I tend to ghost. I check out before thoughtfully reaching out and reviewing my choice logically and without emotion factoring in and let me tell you, that is the hardest thing anyone can do. We, as a species, rely on emotion to color a situation. Some use it wisely and some not so wisely.

The ending of that friendship was devastating to me in ways I did not see at the time but have come home since. I can't count the number of times I have had something arise and my first instinct was to talk to her. But I knew that would never happen. It still surprised in each time it did.

I sometimes wonder how she is and I realize where we both took wrong turns. I think about our plans to retire on the beach together with all of our pets. When I see anything Steel Magnolia, I'm reminded that I had always planned on being Weezer.

This sounds incredibly maudlin, doesn't it? It shouldn't be because this is fond remembrance. We had many, many talks that lasted hours. We were always just a text away. And then distance, ego and sheer hardheadedness popped up.

So why, now, am I posting this?

To tell you how a decision that seemed so "right" at that time is not always the "right" thing to do. Sometimes emotion needs to be addressed and compromises given. That comes from the Leadership course I have been taking through University of Michigan. It has opened up my eyes to many things a leader should do.

A leader has to be impartial but also vested. A leader needs to know her reservation price and the BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) and what should be revealed and what should not. You have to know how to bring people together to achieve greatness both within the group and within yourself.

Just plug in friendship to all of the "leader" pronouns.

In the end, and what I hope you take from this is that nothing is as it seems. You have to be patient, logical but also allow yourself room for negotiation. Life is all about negotiation. A year ago I knew that I could never resume, and renew, that friendship. Today I know that while it couldn't be renewed, it could be started over. There doesn't always need to be an ending. Maybe it was a pause. Maybe the  issue was stuck and it needed to be turned off and then back on. I don't know. All I do know is that there will always be times I want to tell her something and then pause and frown and then go on.

We would have had an anniversary this year. 12 years of almost daily communication. Happy Cingular Day to you Kat, and I'm always just a phone, text or email away.