The Power of Love

The Power of Love

I sat here tonight talking with my incredibly wise and sage-like daughter about self-esteem. Now to preface it isn’t about her self-esteem, it is about a friend of hers. The friend, like many young women, battles with self-esteem and the need to be loved. But love comes at a steep price. Ask anyone that has been married. Love is not a bouquet of flowers to cheer you up, it is being there to prune the weeds. It isn’t a warm hug, it is someone wrapping themselves around you to protect you. It isn’t someone going shopping with you to fill the pantry, it is someone there to share those meals. 

Love is rocky, deep and it can be incredibly trying. Nothing will test you like love does. And it could be parental love, loving a child, a sibling, a friend or a romantic love. Loving is hard, and it comes with tears. But. At the end of it all it comes with a sense of belonging. The right love does. Love can power the world. Love can change the world. The wrong “Love” isn’t love at all. It disguises itself with the mantle of love and wears its skin well. And many people, I included over the years, fail to see the difference.

So, what is the difference? The wrong “love” is destructive. It masks itself as something pretty and nice, but it isn’t. And often we are giving ourselves the wrong type of love. We are allowing another person to use our bodies, minds and our souls. We exchange bits of ourselves in the hopes of finding that real love. We take up the dice and we roll hoping to not crap out. We win one hand and it isn’t enough, so we roll again because we are SURE that the next time will be the big winner. And it keeps going. We come close, we roll a few snake eyes and still…we hold out. We KNOW the right person is out there, so we must cast our nets out further and wider hoping for that big win.

I’m here to tell you my friends that the dice are loaded. When we pick up those bones we have already lost the game. That isn’t love. Love isn’t selfish. Love comes from within. It isn’t what we hope to gain…it is what we give.

We give love freely to those that deserve our love. But we first make sure that the love we give is pure and not filled with caveats. The love we make within ourselves changes people. It makes those rocky times worth it. It is your love that brings peace and warmth to others. And the best part? You have this incredible opportunity to give it freely! But that takes time. As Mama Ru said, “If you can’t love yourself how the HELL you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an Amen!”

Amen Mama Ru! That is the truth. The power of love starts from within. The spark is given to us and we must learn to nourish it throughout our lives. We must take care and protect it from the cold winds of indifference. We must shield it from time and callousness. We must raise it above our heads when the floods come. We must carefully cup our hand around it when others try to blow it out. Don’t let that love die. It is the one thing, above all others, that is our gift.

The power of love moves me to tears. I think back to when I first held the girls and I gave them my heart. They were not able to give me love but I gave them all of mine. The best life lesson I have learned is that you’re not limited by the size of your heart because it only keeps growing! You have a child and you think, “I cannot possible love another as much as I love you.” And you are proven wrong when you have your next child.

The same thing is true with everything. When you give freely of your own accord from a solid place within yourself, your heart grows.

But you must love yourself first. You must learn to love and respect yourself. Respect yourself. Look yourself in the mirror and stop covering your flaws. Stop telling yourself lies. Stop being the victim. Love each facet and if you do not? Change those things you do not love.

 Do you feel upset because the guy you love didn’t text you back? Put down your phone and just walk away. 

Does the girl/guy you envy make you feel less? Put it down and just walk away from it.

It does not own you. You define how you will be treated, and you guessed it! It all comes from loving yourself.

Life is going to test you in every possible way it can. You are going to feel broken at times and that is okay. Because one of those loves you gave freely will be there to pick you up and help you put all the pieces back together. Love given will come back to you. Be ready to accept it.

My parting words to you are simple. Be easy with yourself. Nourish your soul. Keep your love growing and flowing. Love may be tough at times but it is worth it.