Mondays are universally loathed in my household and for good reason. They suck. Now normally I do not have a problem with Mondays. They afford me some peace and quiet after the long weekend. Since technically there really is not a "start" and an "end" day to my workweek...I just float along. Today the dreaded Monday has hit in full force. You'll have to pardon any mistakes you find in this blog but I really don't give a flying fuck. It is all Mondays' fault.

Okay so maybe it is not Mondays. It could be the realization that I'm no spring chicken anymore. I'm not into the twilight years...THANK JEEBUS...but I'm past that first fanciful blush of youth. As I get older I realize there are just certain things that happen as the body begins that long, downward spiral into senility and frailty.

Sleep

This is the first thing to desert you as you get older. I love sleep. I truly do and I miss it so. In high school I would have listed sleeping as my favorite hobby. I'm sure my parents could attest to many wasted days of me just sleeping.

As I've gotten older that trusted friend has stabbed me in the back! I can't sleep in past 7am. Most days I begin to wake up around 5:30. And I have to go to bed around 9 p.m. but I don't fall asleep until after 10 p.m. It sucks. Naps are great but you know that a nap will completely jack your sleep schedule. I made that mistake yesterday and as a result didn't get to sleep till 4am and was up at 7 am. I'm pretty much a zombie today.

Your Body Betrays You

I never quite understood why older people groaned and moaned all the time. I do now. I also never understood back problems until now. Where the hell did my body go wrong? I don't have wrinkles...I have canyons. And motherfucker...if I find the piece of crap who told me that I'd grow out of acne and pimples I would beat him/her into the ground. Lying sack of garbage! Isn't it bad enough that I have wrinkles but to add insult to injury I still get acne!

The Miscellaneous Insults

And here is another thing about getting older that I just had to shake my head at the other day. When you are young you worry about how your bedroom smells. You want it to be fresh and clean. You don't want it to smell like sex, dirty socks, dust or have any funk. Wanna know what my bedroom smells like? Lavender and Icy Hot. Yep - not an appealing fragrance I know. Lavender is because I'm addicted to it and I think it helps me try to gain more precious hours of sleep. Icy Hot because I'm pretty sure Dave tried to kill me a few weeks ago when he stepped on my back. That bastard! I'm just teasing baby!!

I could go on and on about the myriad small things that mark the beginning of the end but I won't. You already know them and if you don't then...bless your lil dumb heart..you'll know in ten years or so.