It was my first 4th of July here in Bend and it was spectacular. I've never lived any place where I was actually chilly while waiting for the fireworks display! In fact I've had a bit of a time adjusting to the fact that this is summer and I'm not dying of the heat. It is far different back in Arkansas where many fireworks displays were cancelled due to the drought and the significant heat wave!
The day was incredibly relaxing. We ventured out to the lava fields and walked down the river trail to the falls. The trail was fantastic and the sight of that much rushing water is always awe inspiring. As I walked back towards the car I somehow found myself alone, in front of Dave and Maesin, who were leisurely walking. Even though I have the shortest legs on the planet I tend to always rush when I walk. As I'm rushing through my walk back to the vehicle where Kennedy was waiting I had a thought...My entire life was a simile of that walk. I rush through everything.
I don't know what to do with downtime. I don't take time to treasure each moment and instead rush to get through it to the next one. When I wake up each morning I think about getting through the day just so I can get back to sleep and hit the next day. Time is quickly passing me by and I cannot remember the last time I just stopped and enjoyed the moment.
When I watch a movie...I can't wait to get to the end so I can think about it, discuss it and be done. Work is the same way. I just get through it. There I was, on that incredible path and I rushed through it to be done. When I set out I thought about how much time it was going to take me to hike that mile and what I would do next. It is always about "next" and that makes me sad.
Kennedy has been here for little over three weeks and in five days she returns home. I may not get to see her until December. The time she has spent here as flown by and I don't know if I've truly savored any of those moments. I've gotten through them. We've done things but I don't think I've actually just stopped and been in the moment. It's always about the NEXT thing.
I'm one of those people who does something, gets through it and then wants to discuss it with my friends or family. But I didn't stop to ENJOY it while I was doing it. I didn't capture the moment and brand it into my heart and soul.
I tell people that I have the attention span of a gnat on meth and it is true. I can't concentrate for shit. I can't pay attention anymore and it has me wondering how I've let my spirit, mind and body turn into this mush. I'm like oatmeal without any brown sugar or flavor. I'm the instant oatmeal of life. It'll keep you alive but it won't nourish the brain and soul.
So how do I get that perspective? How do I enjoy each moment and commit those to memory? How do I treasure all the things that happen in my life and stop watching the clock? I always want something bigger and better without realizing that I have those things now and I'm just letting them slip away unnoticed.
I think my goal should be not to have any goals anymore. I want to just breathe and be. Be in the moment. Be in the feeling and stop rushing through everything. That's what I want to BE. Be in the now and Be good for myself and all those around me.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Friday, June 1, 2012
The Friend Zone? Ways to Tell He is Interested in You
So I recently read an article on Jezebel ( you can read it here it is by Samantha Irby) about the Bro' Zone. It is that magical place females find themselves when they lust/love a guy but he considers her just a friend. All of you kats and kittens know what I'm talking about. Most women at some point in their lives has received the "talk" about not wanting to ruin a great friendship or you are his hang out buddy. Don't even fucking deny it bitches because I know you are lying if you do!
All joking aside...we, females, do it all the time to guys. I know I have certainly been guilty of it. Yes...I have deliberately put a guy into the friend zone because I truly liked his friendship. Yes...I have put a guy into the friend zone because he did shit for me. I have had my fair share (no I'm not listing a number but we'll say it is higher than 1) of F*ck Buddies. Those are the guys you don't want to hang out with, you don't want them doing anything for you other than a quick round of bed play. They don't get to stay the night and you never tell most of your friends. Hell...I've had one that I never even told my BEST FRIEND! Yep...man he was so totally not what I'd pick out for myself. Even pretending to be his friend irritated the piss out of me. He was atrocious but hey...it was a low point in my life. But enough about that. My sexual conquests are certainly interesting but I'm getting off track.
Here is the thing: if you do not want to be put into the Friend Zone then you have to know the signs. This is for guys and girls. These are some tips that will help you stay clear of that murky area where heartache and angst lie in wait. Now if you can certainly apply this to the Friends with Benefits Zone as well. They are interchangeable.
The simplest solution is to not play the guessing game. When I want to know if Dave likes me....I ask. When we were dating I didn't play coy and I didn't assume anything. I told him that if he liked me he would have to tell me because my signals always steer me wrong. We even came up with our own code words to express certain sentiments.
Life is pretty hard and the talking monkey's make it even harder. We spend so much time "inferring" emotion, sentiment, thought and action that we often miss exactly what is in front of our face. If we would just ask the right questions and take the answers at face value...we'd be pretty well off. Obviously we wouldn't be in politics though! Ha I kill me.
All joking aside...we, females, do it all the time to guys. I know I have certainly been guilty of it. Yes...I have deliberately put a guy into the friend zone because I truly liked his friendship. Yes...I have put a guy into the friend zone because he did shit for me. I have had my fair share (no I'm not listing a number but we'll say it is higher than 1) of F*ck Buddies. Those are the guys you don't want to hang out with, you don't want them doing anything for you other than a quick round of bed play. They don't get to stay the night and you never tell most of your friends. Hell...I've had one that I never even told my BEST FRIEND! Yep...man he was so totally not what I'd pick out for myself. Even pretending to be his friend irritated the piss out of me. He was atrocious but hey...it was a low point in my life. But enough about that. My sexual conquests are certainly interesting but I'm getting off track.
Here is the thing: if you do not want to be put into the Friend Zone then you have to know the signs. This is for guys and girls. These are some tips that will help you stay clear of that murky area where heartache and angst lie in wait. Now if you can certainly apply this to the Friends with Benefits Zone as well. They are interchangeable.
- Don't Aim Too High! Guys: if you can't: shower on a daily basis, brush your teeth, consider homemade tattoos "cool", think a business degree can be attained in two weeks via an Internet course, are a sociopathic drug user that looks like the Scarecrow from Wizard of Oz except 50 lbs lighter, or just attend way too many comic book conventions...you aren't going to get a supermodel. You aren't going to be dating the Homecoming Queen. You aren't going to get that insanely hot chick that looks like Megan Fox but stars in pornos. A recent study showed that a huge majority of men (even the butt ugly ones) always think they can win the supermodels and Homecoming Queens. They always shoot too high and clearly outside their social, economic, political and environmental status quo. AND THEN BITCH BECAUSE THEY CAN'T FIND A "DECENT" WOMAN!! Be realistic. The same holds true for women. Nice personalities only go so far. If you look like a troll (and not one of the cute ones with the standing hair) then you are not going to get the Brad Pitt. The only exception to this rule is money. If you have a lot of money then...fuck you can have whoever you want.
- You Get Asked to Attend a Wedding and You Aren't Dating: No one likes to show up at a wedding alone. It kinda makes you feel like an outsider and a bit pathetic because someone will ask about your girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife at some point and you either have to lie or just admit that you are single. With cats. But if you get asked to a wedding by a guy/girl you aren't dating exclusively....you are now in the Friend Zone. Two types of people go to weddings together: Buddies and those in Relationships. Know the difference and you'll go far.
- Internet: Yes, I have to take it there. Now granted I do know many successful stories of people that have met through the Internet. Some have reconnected over the years and some have been new meetings. But for every successful romance I can give you 100 stories of guys/girls looking for a quick hookup. Granted there are more guys doing the trolling than girls but it still happens. Taken men use the Internet because it is safer than trolling bars and laundromats. You should always weigh that new connection with a very doubting mind. Oh and always ask for a current picture with a newspaper! Oh and a background check! Oh and always ask if he is currently a meth head user/dealer! Just some quick tips :)
- Last Minute Calls: Listen, we all have things that come up at the last minute but if someone truly wants to be with you and values your time...he/she will schedule beforehand. Friends are the ones that get the biggest leeway in this department because it is almost always a casual invitation. If he calls you to come over to a party, but didn't mention it beforehand and he's drunk when he calls, he probably thinks of you as a friend (probably with benefits.) It's the truth.
The simplest solution is to not play the guessing game. When I want to know if Dave likes me....I ask. When we were dating I didn't play coy and I didn't assume anything. I told him that if he liked me he would have to tell me because my signals always steer me wrong. We even came up with our own code words to express certain sentiments.
Life is pretty hard and the talking monkey's make it even harder. We spend so much time "inferring" emotion, sentiment, thought and action that we often miss exactly what is in front of our face. If we would just ask the right questions and take the answers at face value...we'd be pretty well off. Obviously we wouldn't be in politics though! Ha I kill me.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Psst...it really isn't me...it is you!
I know I have laxed a bit in the posting but I really didn't feel I had anything important to say. Well...that isn't true. I always think I have important things to say but when I review them...they all come up sounding trite. Blech on all that junk. But I do have something I have been pondering the last few weeks and feel a need to confess: I'm a lurker.
Yes, I am a lurker. I read news stories daily and I always span through the comments. I Google things and I read the reviews. I look through forums for tid bits of information but really there are two areas of the Internet that draw me in. It is comments on news articles/postings and its Craiglist's Rants & Raves.
News articles/postings can sometimes make me shake my head. I've posted things on Facebook before that were purely sarcastic and humorous (at least to me and that's all I fucking worry about) but there have been some commenter's that completely missed it. Now before jumping my shit and arguing please bear in mind that I'm a sarcastic bitch of the 9th degree. I haven't attained level 10 yet but I'm working on it. Some argue that sarcasm is the last bastion of the simple minded in response to a verbal or mental attack. Horseshit! Do you know how hard it is to find the right appropriate sarcastic response to any given situation?? It takes years of dedicated practice, a thorough knowledge of pop culture, memes and other retarded monkey fodder. It takes patience and delivery. Not every comment is sarcastic otherwise you'll have burn out. You have to wait for the right moment and it has to be flawlessly delivered. A cough, sneeze or hiccup can ruin it and leave you looking like a moron. And you have to tailor the intelligence level to the audience. It's hard fucking work.
Now back to what I was blathering about. News articles really have let me down. I realize true journalism is dead. There is NO such thing as an unbiased article...especially on the web. It is not possible. If you can find me ONE completely unbiased article that is factual, not inducing the public to lean any way but to make up their own minds (ha fucking ha) then I'll post a picture of Dave naked in a tutu. (Note: My husband doesn't read my blogs or I'd be center of Hiroshima if he caught wind of this so let's just keep that between you and I. We're all friends here :)) Okay so on second thought no naked pictures of Dave because I value my life and fear reprisal. Instead I'll post a picture of Meeka and Suki reenacting the Lion King.
But regardless of the biased nature of news stories...it is the comments that leave me shaking my head and rejoicing that I sent in my resignation letter to humanity more than five years ago. Being part of talking monkeys is not my idea of impressive and if you read enough news commenter's...you'll join me. Hell we can book a ticket off the planet for the poo slingers. Granted there are some that are logical, polite and grasped the meaning of the article. The other 98% are trolls who invariably get off topic and somehow race, sexual orientation, economics and politics are brought up. It could be an article on slugs invading England and some idiot poo slinger will miss the point of the article.
I went to a very small school but I rejoice every single day for the quality of my education. Yes...my grammar sucks but that is why I have editors. :) They help me all the time. I write and they polish. But my wonderful teachers through elementary and high school taught me how to read something and understand it. My college professors helped that skill along further. Sadly that is a skill that some have not learned.
Now for Craigslist Rants and Raves...that is one jacked up website. I don't care what city you pick it is nothing but trolls of the worst kind. It is either far left or far right politics that are as close to factually based as I am to walking to the moon. That website teaches me that people who hide behind an anonymous posting have no input. Otherwise they would put their name behind it and stand behind their convictions. It also reminds me which people will make my zombie survival team and which ones will be used as cannon fodder/ bait.
The only people I find more detestable are the Internet Grammar Nazi's. Really? I mean REALLY? Does it matter that fucking much if someone used "its" instead of "it's?" That is the one type of person I have to physically restrain myself from punching them in the face. Correcting someone to their face is a bit bolder but it certainly is not safer. If you happen to be a Grammar Nazi do yourself and your face a favor and just don't be a douche bag. It's pretty much on par with reprimanding someone for using the wrong fucking fork. It does not make you look more intelligent but it does help those party invitations from arriving because the reality is no one likes a giant grammar correcting douche.
Okay so there is my rant and rave. There were other things going on in my life the last couple of weeks that could have made the blog (i.e. psycho, meth whore) but that lasted about .02 nano seconds of my time and effort. :)
Yes, I am a lurker. I read news stories daily and I always span through the comments. I Google things and I read the reviews. I look through forums for tid bits of information but really there are two areas of the Internet that draw me in. It is comments on news articles/postings and its Craiglist's Rants & Raves.
News articles/postings can sometimes make me shake my head. I've posted things on Facebook before that were purely sarcastic and humorous (at least to me and that's all I fucking worry about) but there have been some commenter's that completely missed it. Now before jumping my shit and arguing please bear in mind that I'm a sarcastic bitch of the 9th degree. I haven't attained level 10 yet but I'm working on it. Some argue that sarcasm is the last bastion of the simple minded in response to a verbal or mental attack. Horseshit! Do you know how hard it is to find the right appropriate sarcastic response to any given situation?? It takes years of dedicated practice, a thorough knowledge of pop culture, memes and other retarded monkey fodder. It takes patience and delivery. Not every comment is sarcastic otherwise you'll have burn out. You have to wait for the right moment and it has to be flawlessly delivered. A cough, sneeze or hiccup can ruin it and leave you looking like a moron. And you have to tailor the intelligence level to the audience. It's hard fucking work.
Now back to what I was blathering about. News articles really have let me down. I realize true journalism is dead. There is NO such thing as an unbiased article...especially on the web. It is not possible. If you can find me ONE completely unbiased article that is factual, not inducing the public to lean any way but to make up their own minds (ha fucking ha) then I'll post a picture of Dave naked in a tutu. (Note: My husband doesn't read my blogs or I'd be center of Hiroshima if he caught wind of this so let's just keep that between you and I. We're all friends here :)) Okay so on second thought no naked pictures of Dave because I value my life and fear reprisal. Instead I'll post a picture of Meeka and Suki reenacting the Lion King.
But regardless of the biased nature of news stories...it is the comments that leave me shaking my head and rejoicing that I sent in my resignation letter to humanity more than five years ago. Being part of talking monkeys is not my idea of impressive and if you read enough news commenter's...you'll join me. Hell we can book a ticket off the planet for the poo slingers. Granted there are some that are logical, polite and grasped the meaning of the article. The other 98% are trolls who invariably get off topic and somehow race, sexual orientation, economics and politics are brought up. It could be an article on slugs invading England and some idiot poo slinger will miss the point of the article.
I went to a very small school but I rejoice every single day for the quality of my education. Yes...my grammar sucks but that is why I have editors. :) They help me all the time. I write and they polish. But my wonderful teachers through elementary and high school taught me how to read something and understand it. My college professors helped that skill along further. Sadly that is a skill that some have not learned.
Now for Craigslist Rants and Raves...that is one jacked up website. I don't care what city you pick it is nothing but trolls of the worst kind. It is either far left or far right politics that are as close to factually based as I am to walking to the moon. That website teaches me that people who hide behind an anonymous posting have no input. Otherwise they would put their name behind it and stand behind their convictions. It also reminds me which people will make my zombie survival team and which ones will be used as cannon fodder/ bait.
The only people I find more detestable are the Internet Grammar Nazi's. Really? I mean REALLY? Does it matter that fucking much if someone used "its" instead of "it's?" That is the one type of person I have to physically restrain myself from punching them in the face. Correcting someone to their face is a bit bolder but it certainly is not safer. If you happen to be a Grammar Nazi do yourself and your face a favor and just don't be a douche bag. It's pretty much on par with reprimanding someone for using the wrong fucking fork. It does not make you look more intelligent but it does help those party invitations from arriving because the reality is no one likes a giant grammar correcting douche.
Okay so there is my rant and rave. There were other things going on in my life the last couple of weeks that could have made the blog (i.e. psycho, meth whore) but that lasted about .02 nano seconds of my time and effort. :)
Monday, May 7, 2012
Mondays are universally loathed in my household and for good reason. They suck. Now normally I do not have a problem with Mondays. They afford me some peace and quiet after the long weekend. Since technically there really is not a "start" and an "end" day to my workweek...I just float along. Today the dreaded Monday has hit in full force. You'll have to pardon any mistakes you find in this blog but I really don't give a flying fuck. It is all Mondays' fault.
Okay so maybe it is not Mondays. It could be the realization that I'm no spring chicken anymore. I'm not into the twilight years...THANK JEEBUS...but I'm past that first fanciful blush of youth. As I get older I realize there are just certain things that happen as the body begins that long, downward spiral into senility and frailty.
Sleep
This is the first thing to desert you as you get older. I love sleep. I truly do and I miss it so. In high school I would have listed sleeping as my favorite hobby. I'm sure my parents could attest to many wasted days of me just sleeping.
As I've gotten older that trusted friend has stabbed me in the back! I can't sleep in past 7am. Most days I begin to wake up around 5:30. And I have to go to bed around 9 p.m. but I don't fall asleep until after 10 p.m. It sucks. Naps are great but you know that a nap will completely jack your sleep schedule. I made that mistake yesterday and as a result didn't get to sleep till 4am and was up at 7 am. I'm pretty much a zombie today.
Your Body Betrays You
I never quite understood why older people groaned and moaned all the time. I do now. I also never understood back problems until now. Where the hell did my body go wrong? I don't have wrinkles...I have canyons. And motherfucker...if I find the piece of crap who told me that I'd grow out of acne and pimples I would beat him/her into the ground. Lying sack of garbage! Isn't it bad enough that I have wrinkles but to add insult to injury I still get acne!
The Miscellaneous Insults
And here is another thing about getting older that I just had to shake my head at the other day. When you are young you worry about how your bedroom smells. You want it to be fresh and clean. You don't want it to smell like sex, dirty socks, dust or have any funk. Wanna know what my bedroom smells like? Lavender and Icy Hot. Yep - not an appealing fragrance I know. Lavender is because I'm addicted to it and I think it helps me try to gain more precious hours of sleep. Icy Hot because I'm pretty sure Dave tried to kill me a few weeks ago when he stepped on my back. That bastard! I'm just teasing baby!!
I could go on and on about the myriad small things that mark the beginning of the end but I won't. You already know them and if you don't then...bless your lil dumb heart..you'll know in ten years or so.
Okay so maybe it is not Mondays. It could be the realization that I'm no spring chicken anymore. I'm not into the twilight years...THANK JEEBUS...but I'm past that first fanciful blush of youth. As I get older I realize there are just certain things that happen as the body begins that long, downward spiral into senility and frailty.
Sleep
This is the first thing to desert you as you get older. I love sleep. I truly do and I miss it so. In high school I would have listed sleeping as my favorite hobby. I'm sure my parents could attest to many wasted days of me just sleeping.
As I've gotten older that trusted friend has stabbed me in the back! I can't sleep in past 7am. Most days I begin to wake up around 5:30. And I have to go to bed around 9 p.m. but I don't fall asleep until after 10 p.m. It sucks. Naps are great but you know that a nap will completely jack your sleep schedule. I made that mistake yesterday and as a result didn't get to sleep till 4am and was up at 7 am. I'm pretty much a zombie today.
Your Body Betrays You
I never quite understood why older people groaned and moaned all the time. I do now. I also never understood back problems until now. Where the hell did my body go wrong? I don't have wrinkles...I have canyons. And motherfucker...if I find the piece of crap who told me that I'd grow out of acne and pimples I would beat him/her into the ground. Lying sack of garbage! Isn't it bad enough that I have wrinkles but to add insult to injury I still get acne!
The Miscellaneous Insults
And here is another thing about getting older that I just had to shake my head at the other day. When you are young you worry about how your bedroom smells. You want it to be fresh and clean. You don't want it to smell like sex, dirty socks, dust or have any funk. Wanna know what my bedroom smells like? Lavender and Icy Hot. Yep - not an appealing fragrance I know. Lavender is because I'm addicted to it and I think it helps me try to gain more precious hours of sleep. Icy Hot because I'm pretty sure Dave tried to kill me a few weeks ago when he stepped on my back. That bastard! I'm just teasing baby!!
I could go on and on about the myriad small things that mark the beginning of the end but I won't. You already know them and if you don't then...bless your lil dumb heart..you'll know in ten years or so.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
F*CK You Cosmo!
I have a deep, dark confession to make. I read self-help books, magazines and websites frequently. I do and I cannot help myself. Somehow each time I am fooled into thinking that this is going to be the one that actually works! This article is the key to my entire life! This website is going to make me better, stronger, faster etc. Each time I walk away saddened. Much like I'm sure Newt Gingrich feels after a run at the presidential election. It just doesn't seem to work.
The problem, I believe, is that all self-help books, magazines and websites treat us like we are 5 years old and that every problem is black and white. We aren't and it isn't. Your man isn't doing the dishes? Talk to him and explain what the problem is and how you feel. Ya...right fucker. You want to know the outcome of THAT conversation? He looks at you like you are a complete moron, you two have a fight over some freaking dishes and you spend the next few days miserable. The real world answer to that particular issue is pretty simple: either you do them or you don't. If he wants a clean dish he will eventually get he point or you will eventually cave in. The best case scenario is one where he hires a cleaning service but don't get your hopes up.
This leads me to what I believe to be the source of all discontentment in women's lives...magazines such as Cosmopolitan. Yep, you read that right - Cosmo is the bane of your existence and mine. If you are over the age of 30 you already know I am right and you know why. If you are younger than 30 you may still be blinded by the light. So allow me to bring you into the darkness of reality.
The US population, a quick figure, is roughly at 311,591,917. Roughly over half of that is female giving us a female population of 155, 795,958 women. From there you could estimate the ages and races but I don't give enough of a crap to warrant that kind of math. So let's just go with 155 million women.
How many of those 155 million women are below a size 6, live in New York City, and are single? No guess? I don't know. That's why I asked you. There are no real statistics on that question. I guess I could make one up - so let's go with 1 million and I'm being EXTREMELY generous. Cosmo reports that it has a monthly subscription of 3,021,720.
WHAT IN THE HOLY HELL IS CAUSING 2,021,720 WOMEN TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS RAG WHEN IT DOES NOT APPLY TO THEM?
Let's forget about the readers who pick up a copy at the checkout stand and instead focus on the subscribers. The cost is not much. It is roughly about 12.00 a year. 1.00 an issue at the cheapest online magazine subscription company. But that is 1.00 to make you feel less than you are. Send me 1.00 and I will guarantee that I will write a blog each month focusing on clothing that you aren't going to actually wear in Seattle, Washington or Little Rock, Arkansas. I'll write in a paragraph about the sex positions you already know about but gained a kink in your back trying simply because someone told you that it would increase your power with men.
Here is the truth no matter how many women and men chime in on how Cosmo can improve your relationship/life/bedroom circus antics etc: Men flinch when you open that magazine. Why? Because it will instantly fill your head full of doubt. You will not become empowered. You will try out the sex positions and then wonder why he is looking scared. You will think about buying some of the products and clothing they are shilling but in the end will decide that your own personal style is what you prefer. But only after you've spent money. Mmm...think that is what Cosmo is after? Money? Perhaps by making you and me feel inferior Cosmo understands that you will continue to buy the magazine in hopes of a quick fix.
Cosmo, Dr. Phil, The Five Love Languages and Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus aren't going to tell you anything you didn't already know. Men and Women are two completely separate creatures that have zero communication ability between us. We are just hardwired differently and I don't give a rats ass about Nature vs Nurture debates on this one. Come to think of it...maybe there really isn't anything truly different about men and women but instead there are just differences in person to person.
Cosmo is going to make your life miserable by telling you everything you should already know but don't. Except you already know it. If you can't fit into a size 2...I don't need to tell you that. You already know it. Cosmo would not be popular if it applied to the other 154 million women because it would not have anything new to sell.
I have learned to not pick up Cosmo unless I want to read the horoscope or the blunders portions. I like hearing about others' embarrassing moments. I can relate to many of those. Yet I still read self-help books and websites. Mainly because I think they are going to give me some insight into my psyche. They don't but they give me the illusion that I can fix all of the problems in my own mind. Honestly the only real solution is that I am me. I'm all that I can ever be just as you are all you can ever be. And that is pretty good when it comes down to it.
The problem, I believe, is that all self-help books, magazines and websites treat us like we are 5 years old and that every problem is black and white. We aren't and it isn't. Your man isn't doing the dishes? Talk to him and explain what the problem is and how you feel. Ya...right fucker. You want to know the outcome of THAT conversation? He looks at you like you are a complete moron, you two have a fight over some freaking dishes and you spend the next few days miserable. The real world answer to that particular issue is pretty simple: either you do them or you don't. If he wants a clean dish he will eventually get he point or you will eventually cave in. The best case scenario is one where he hires a cleaning service but don't get your hopes up.
This leads me to what I believe to be the source of all discontentment in women's lives...magazines such as Cosmopolitan. Yep, you read that right - Cosmo is the bane of your existence and mine. If you are over the age of 30 you already know I am right and you know why. If you are younger than 30 you may still be blinded by the light. So allow me to bring you into the darkness of reality.
The US population, a quick figure, is roughly at 311,591,917. Roughly over half of that is female giving us a female population of 155, 795,958 women. From there you could estimate the ages and races but I don't give enough of a crap to warrant that kind of math. So let's just go with 155 million women.
How many of those 155 million women are below a size 6, live in New York City, and are single? No guess? I don't know. That's why I asked you. There are no real statistics on that question. I guess I could make one up - so let's go with 1 million and I'm being EXTREMELY generous. Cosmo reports that it has a monthly subscription of 3,021,720.
WHAT IN THE HOLY HELL IS CAUSING 2,021,720 WOMEN TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS RAG WHEN IT DOES NOT APPLY TO THEM?
Let's forget about the readers who pick up a copy at the checkout stand and instead focus on the subscribers. The cost is not much. It is roughly about 12.00 a year. 1.00 an issue at the cheapest online magazine subscription company. But that is 1.00 to make you feel less than you are. Send me 1.00 and I will guarantee that I will write a blog each month focusing on clothing that you aren't going to actually wear in Seattle, Washington or Little Rock, Arkansas. I'll write in a paragraph about the sex positions you already know about but gained a kink in your back trying simply because someone told you that it would increase your power with men.
Here is the truth no matter how many women and men chime in on how Cosmo can improve your relationship/life/bedroom circus antics etc: Men flinch when you open that magazine. Why? Because it will instantly fill your head full of doubt. You will not become empowered. You will try out the sex positions and then wonder why he is looking scared. You will think about buying some of the products and clothing they are shilling but in the end will decide that your own personal style is what you prefer. But only after you've spent money. Mmm...think that is what Cosmo is after? Money? Perhaps by making you and me feel inferior Cosmo understands that you will continue to buy the magazine in hopes of a quick fix.
Cosmo, Dr. Phil, The Five Love Languages and Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus aren't going to tell you anything you didn't already know. Men and Women are two completely separate creatures that have zero communication ability between us. We are just hardwired differently and I don't give a rats ass about Nature vs Nurture debates on this one. Come to think of it...maybe there really isn't anything truly different about men and women but instead there are just differences in person to person.
Cosmo is going to make your life miserable by telling you everything you should already know but don't. Except you already know it. If you can't fit into a size 2...I don't need to tell you that. You already know it. Cosmo would not be popular if it applied to the other 154 million women because it would not have anything new to sell.
I have learned to not pick up Cosmo unless I want to read the horoscope or the blunders portions. I like hearing about others' embarrassing moments. I can relate to many of those. Yet I still read self-help books and websites. Mainly because I think they are going to give me some insight into my psyche. They don't but they give me the illusion that I can fix all of the problems in my own mind. Honestly the only real solution is that I am me. I'm all that I can ever be just as you are all you can ever be. And that is pretty good when it comes down to it.
Monday, April 30, 2012
What Women REALLY Need to Know About Life and Relationships
I'll confess to that I've been married 4 times. While that may not seem like a terribly big number...it is a number that frightens me and plenty of others. Everyone knows that 3rd times the charm but it seems that I moved past that charmed event and went into marriage number 4.
I love my husband dearly. I truly do and whats more important...I like him. That is saying quite a bit and I don't think he appreciates it or sees the sincerity when I make that claim. It is truly saying something. Far too often we find ourselves in situations where we love someone but we truly do not like them. We wouldn't voluntarily "hang" with them or be associated with them if there wasn't love in place. Strange thing but if you think about it for a while it will make sense.
Marriage, and well any relationship, is tough work. There are things that can make it even tougher. Little pitfalls that you take for granted when single can become a landmine in a relationship. You may be having a tough week or two with work, quitting smoking, or just life and your partner takes the brunt of it all. It is easy to think that we are not the wrong-doers but rather the victims of a bitchy spouse or significant other. Even something as simple as confiding in a parent or best friend can wreck untold havoc and devastation on a relationship.
Something like text messaging or calling an ex can be epic. The principle behind it may be innocent. The messages may be innocent but it really can be that trip wire that leads to insecurity, fighting, jealousy and more. It's a hazardous course. But I had a lot of time to think while driving and there are some things I have learned that I will willingly pass on to you, my friends. These are your tips and informative blurbs that you truly need to know about life and relationships.
Namaste my friends.
I love my husband dearly. I truly do and whats more important...I like him. That is saying quite a bit and I don't think he appreciates it or sees the sincerity when I make that claim. It is truly saying something. Far too often we find ourselves in situations where we love someone but we truly do not like them. We wouldn't voluntarily "hang" with them or be associated with them if there wasn't love in place. Strange thing but if you think about it for a while it will make sense.
Marriage, and well any relationship, is tough work. There are things that can make it even tougher. Little pitfalls that you take for granted when single can become a landmine in a relationship. You may be having a tough week or two with work, quitting smoking, or just life and your partner takes the brunt of it all. It is easy to think that we are not the wrong-doers but rather the victims of a bitchy spouse or significant other. Even something as simple as confiding in a parent or best friend can wreck untold havoc and devastation on a relationship.
Something like text messaging or calling an ex can be epic. The principle behind it may be innocent. The messages may be innocent but it really can be that trip wire that leads to insecurity, fighting, jealousy and more. It's a hazardous course. But I had a lot of time to think while driving and there are some things I have learned that I will willingly pass on to you, my friends. These are your tips and informative blurbs that you truly need to know about life and relationships.
- No matter where you go, what you do or how close you are in your relationship: have outside interests. Every woman should have something that is hers alone. Maybe it is time walking the neighborhood. It could be Tae Kwon Do or a Creme Brulee fro-yo once a week. It does not matter. But it does need to be yours alone. Don't do it with a friend. Don't do it with your significant other. Do it by yourself.
- Have 1 friend of the opposite sex that does not have a single sexual interest in you and is not afraid to tell you that you are a moron at times. Don't discuss the bad details of a fight that happened between you and your s.o. but do occasionally ask this person if you are guilty of being a douche bag and/or a bitch.
- Always have 1 friend that takes your side no matter what. Even when I'm a douch bag and a bitch my best friend Kat always takes my side. I know there are times when she rolls her eyes and wonders where my head is but she loves me for me. She would drive 3000 miles in a second just to comfort me or come get me if I needed her. Every woman needs a friend like that in her life.
- At least one time in your life take a chance. Move to another state or country far from anyone you know and just take a chance. You may fail and move back home. You may succeed but unless you take that chance you will never know if you are really your own person. Staying in the same small town or even big city your entire life is no way to live. It never hurts to just go for the sake of going.
- When relationships have you down and you are ready to give up on the human race entirely...make a list of all the douche bags you know. Every bad date. Every bad encounter. Every horrible sexcapade. Write those bitches down and you will quickly be reminded that life isn't that bad. Your husband or boyfriend really isn't horrible or hey...he may be and he may wind up on the list.
- Never do something just because you felt you were obligated. If you don't want kids...don't have them. If you don't want to get married...don't get married. If you don't want to have sex...don't have sex. But at the same time as you are making up your mind to say "no" also consider why the other person is asking you to do it. Sometimes when we slow down and think about things...we become more open to it.
- Take each day as such...it is just a day. We all have good days and we all have bad days. The trick is to even them out. If the bad outweigh the good and there is nothing you can do about them then you need to walk away from the situation. If it all balances out in the end it is called life and we each have one.
Namaste my friends.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Why Freelance Writing Can Suck!
I have to warn you in advance that this is going to be a whining, wailing, gnashing of teeth type of post. I'm bummed out and discouraged right now. Why? I wrote an article for a client and turned it in with the note that it was a very rough draft due to the fact that the instructions were vague and I did not have a clear idea on what the client wanted to accomplish. Today I checked and the client rejected it citing a LOOONG list of reasons ranging from grammar to the fact that it was a fluff piece.
HELLO! I tried getting in touch with the client to get guidance. Okay so the topic was crapola. 5 reasons why dental sealants work? I researched for several hours and found 3 vague reasons. Now to be fair this client has already rejected 8 other writers so I'm not terribly surprised. I've found that clients with a high rejection rate tend to keep that trend going and can always cite reasons. The most humorous rejection reason is: overall tone. You have got to be kidding me. I do like when the client try to defend their reason on rejection. It's always the same: you, as a writer, suck and they know more and are far more talented. They may not be able to write clear instructions but it is obvious, at least to them, that they are far superior. This is especially true considering they were going to pay you the whopping rate of 1.4 cents per word. Bask in that lost 2.40! Yeah!
Okay I'm done whining about that but I does make me think about why I write. It obviously is not for accolades. It is hard work being a freelance writer. You often have long days trying to get an average hourly rate that is laughable to most. You take constant knocks. If you are not getting slammed by a client, rejected by a client or cheated by a client....you are facing scrutiny from family and friends. My husband says he understands that this is a real job but he always follows it up with a comment about the pay.
The simple fact is that writing, anything, takes dedication and a very thick skin. The critics are many and always have a vicious tongue ready to slash your work apart. Rejections happen frequently and sometimes for no real reason. The worst part is that the overall experience makes you feel less than you are. You feel like a talentless hack trying to imitate a writer. A good day can go to pot very quickly and you learn to dread Mondays with a fervent passion that borders on maniacal.
Freelance writing, or writing in general, is comparable to dealing with your bipolar, schizophrenic aunt who lives in a one bedroom apartment with thousands of hairless rats. She has plenty of time to bring you down while pointing out how great her life is when compared to yours.
But there are times when good clients make you feel great. They applaud your work and the dedication it takes to meet deadlines. Friends compliment you on writing. Family finally realizes that you are making a contribution other than laundry and cooking. That you have a meaningful job. Those days are golden for a writer. That realization that maybe you aren't as bad as you think. You've managed to brush your teeth, take a shower and write a pretty nice article.
HELLO! I tried getting in touch with the client to get guidance. Okay so the topic was crapola. 5 reasons why dental sealants work? I researched for several hours and found 3 vague reasons. Now to be fair this client has already rejected 8 other writers so I'm not terribly surprised. I've found that clients with a high rejection rate tend to keep that trend going and can always cite reasons. The most humorous rejection reason is: overall tone. You have got to be kidding me. I do like when the client try to defend their reason on rejection. It's always the same: you, as a writer, suck and they know more and are far more talented. They may not be able to write clear instructions but it is obvious, at least to them, that they are far superior. This is especially true considering they were going to pay you the whopping rate of 1.4 cents per word. Bask in that lost 2.40! Yeah!
Okay I'm done whining about that but I does make me think about why I write. It obviously is not for accolades. It is hard work being a freelance writer. You often have long days trying to get an average hourly rate that is laughable to most. You take constant knocks. If you are not getting slammed by a client, rejected by a client or cheated by a client....you are facing scrutiny from family and friends. My husband says he understands that this is a real job but he always follows it up with a comment about the pay.
The simple fact is that writing, anything, takes dedication and a very thick skin. The critics are many and always have a vicious tongue ready to slash your work apart. Rejections happen frequently and sometimes for no real reason. The worst part is that the overall experience makes you feel less than you are. You feel like a talentless hack trying to imitate a writer. A good day can go to pot very quickly and you learn to dread Mondays with a fervent passion that borders on maniacal.
Freelance writing, or writing in general, is comparable to dealing with your bipolar, schizophrenic aunt who lives in a one bedroom apartment with thousands of hairless rats. She has plenty of time to bring you down while pointing out how great her life is when compared to yours.
But there are times when good clients make you feel great. They applaud your work and the dedication it takes to meet deadlines. Friends compliment you on writing. Family finally realizes that you are making a contribution other than laundry and cooking. That you have a meaningful job. Those days are golden for a writer. That realization that maybe you aren't as bad as you think. You've managed to brush your teeth, take a shower and write a pretty nice article.
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